We hear all the time, “It’s so hard to change” and “people hate change.” That is not true. If you are going to consciously use language and descriptors to build your reality, the truth is we love the change that we love and we only hate the change that we hate.
Now you can say, “Hey thanks Capt. Obvious! I never thought of it that way!” But the truth is, a lot of people don’t really think of it this way.
There are no four-year-old’s that say, “I thought a lot about this, I’m going to stick with my tricycle. I tried the two wheeler, and have you seen my elbows? They are all scraped up. So I’m gonna stick to my tricycle, I hate change!”
No, you don’t hate change. You only hate the change you hate.
Successful people aren’t even focused on “change,” they just want what they want.
A four-year-old isn’t thinking about wanting a change or afraid of change, they don’t frame it as change. They want to ride a two wheeler. That doesn’t mean it’s going to go perfect, they fall, they cry, they throw their bike down, but they all come back and get on the bike and ride. They don’t say they hate change.
But when you’re older, and thinking about a business reorganization, or thinking about being an “empty nester,” and things are changing and you don’t like it, whatever the change is, we love certain change and we hate other change. So if you were to love a business reorganization, you’re not going to focus on the fact that you have a new boss or different boss, or you miss your boss or hate your new boss, you are going to focus on what you love. Maybe it’s new responsibilities, new inputs and diversity in the organization, or new opportunities opening up.
The reason why young people are so impervious and invulnerable to obstacles and setbacks and will try anything is they don’t have anything to lose. They are in the process of acquiring assets, they’ve already run the risk equations. Assets can be a house or mortgage payment, it can be a car, it can be 1.5 children, it could be 2.3 color TVs.
And as you get older, the equations begin to change because you go from acquiring things to protecting the assets. It becomes more about safety and comfort, you’ve had your house for 10 or 20 years, your 401(k) is going up. Do you really want to change your investment? Do you want to risk money? You will risk anything when you’re 20, you have very little to lose. The more successful you are, the more you run risk and asset equations differently.
So the challenges with changing that you experience today isn’t about procrastination or having trouble being on time, or any story that you may tell yourself as to why you struggle. You are running risk management equations that are keeping you stuck in safety and comfort.
For example, if you have a problem with being timely, and you procrastinate on certain things, and you say you produce a better result because you wait till last minute, that is not true… The reality is you run a risk equation that says if you are timely and do a great job and get promoted or rise to a level of competence and get fired, and then you are back to protecting assets. And so you don’t change. And you will tell yourself it’s because you procrastinate.
You might do better work when it’s last-minute but that’s flat-out not true. If you sat with a coach, mentor or a business partner and you took the time to research the project, iterate it, and proof the project to look for problems and you tweak it to make it better, nine times out of 10 it’s going to be better outcome than waiting till last minute.
You don’t do “timely” because there’s another equation running and it most likely lies in the risk avoidance strategies. When in reality you’re really at risk when you get laid off and then your predictability is shot and you haven’t expanded your psychology and you’ve relied on asset protection for so long, and now you are forced to take different actions, and you contract even more.
So you have to focus on acquiring assets instead, because successful people focus on wanting what they want, they want more. And it’s not about materialism, it’s about wanting more of everything in life. And you do what it takes to acquire those assets. And if you’re in the form of psychology, you’re like a four-year-old like, “hey that toy was awesome, I want the next toy!” Versus the adult you that has suffered disappointment and now you’re like, “hey not so fast, maybe comfort is pretty good.” And that becomes the challenge with change.
So going into the dark and fear of greatness, it is cold and dangerous and there is risk of the potential pain that your comfort zone avoids today. It is easy to hold on to what you have and feel good until it’s time to pay the “butcher’s bill.” And then it’s too late…
You can always hate the change you hate, the question is, can you find a way to love what you hate? If you want to be successful and take control of your life, you have to find love in what you hate. And when you think about it, it’s not as hard as you think, particularly when you change how you talk about “change” and the language you use. To make “change” a new psychology and easy for you, it will require new language, and that will drive new, better, greater results for you.